So today I am stuck on the sofa with my foot in the air! A bit of enforced
rest is actually a good thing for me. I am making the most of it and writing
lists, internet shopping and making plans. It started two days ago, my left
foot felt stiff and crampy all day. I put it down to my new sandals (I still
think they might have been the culprit) but they are from Clarks and are very
comfortable...
Anyway, when I woke up yesterday morning I could hardly walk. The base or
sole of my foot is swollen and it feels like walking on a painful cushion. The ligaments
up the middle of the underneath of my foot are really tender and the top of my
foot looks strange too, like the skin is tight.
I went to the Doctor to make sure there was no infection. She thought it
looked like a bad sprain and gave me Ibuprofen gel to put on it. I'm also to
keep an eye on my temperature and had to have a blood test for good measure.
I'm surprised I have any blood left after the last few weeks!
On Monday 9th I went to the breast clinic at Guys to have a planning meeting
with my surgeon. All was going well until I mentioned my recent dramas with the
white blood cells. He immediately closed my file; looked at me and said that he
didn’t think he could go ahead. He thought I would be too much at risk of
infection.
I understand the risk and would never push for an operation if there was a
risk but at the same time felt very upset and annoyed. If not now, then when?
It's taken over a year for my bloods to recover half a point, how long until
they are normal?? My surgeon emailed the oncologists and haematologists for
advice. I'd have to wait and see.
So I felt pretty let down by my body again. This is something I struggle
with constantly. I have looked after myself and made massive sacrifices in the
name of health and it doesn’t seem fair that I continue to not be well enough
to do things. On the other hand I suppose I'm lucky to be alive and have to
keep reminding myself that.
On Tuesday I found out that there was a problem with our remortgage because
of a late payment last September. This had endless knock on effects that we had
never even considered (not that we meant the payment to be late).
On Wednesday I spent the whole day in Hospital having my pre-op assessment.
I'd been told to go ahead even though there was little chance of actually
having the operation. It felt like a waste of time and energy.
By Thursday I was rock bottom, struggling with banks, missing Dad terribly,
hating my useless body. Wanting to get disgustingly drunk! I had a depressing
session with my counsellor which didn’t much help. Then I had a brilliant
session with my Personal Trainer which did help. I am finally getting noticeably
stronger (ignore my blood count).
On Saturday night we went to a friend's house to watch the Football and the
host and I amused ourselves greatly with a silly joke about Italian food. I
think we drove the other guests mad but I laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe.
That's the first time that's happened in over two years and it felt good.
So far this week the school have authorised at least one of the children's
upcoming absences (more about that in a minute), the mortgage application is
progressing and I've been told that I will be going ahead with surgery on the 2nd.
If it wasn’t for my foot, I'd be having a very good week!
So, back to the girls. Next week is Glastonbury; you know how important that
is to me. This year we have decided to take the girls for the first time. This
is a secret (they don't know yet). It has added a whole new level of
organisation, packing and preparation but it's also added a new level of
excitement.
We are going on Wednesday and will be back in London on Tuesday 1st, just in
time for my operation on the 2nd! Needless to say, for one reason or another I
will be having a very well behaved festival!!
Wednesday 18 June 2014
Tuesday 3 June 2014
A bit of bloggy housekeeping.
I'm not sure If I'll carry on announcing new entries on Facebook. If you are a reader of my blog, I think you should 'follow' it so you get an email to tell you when I've updated....(does this even happen? - perhaps you could let me know if you are a 'follower' whether it lets you know when I post??)
Sixty Eight
My Oncology appointment came through on Wednesday 28th May. Slap bang in the middle of half term. I didn't want the kids to come and the car had broken down on the Tuesday so they went to Kent on the train with my Husband who just happened to be working in Tunbridge Wells for the evening.
I have realised that I feel extremely at home at Guys. And safe. Unfortunately the same can't be said for the hospital in Pembury who tried to kill me and then later diagnosed Dad. So it's not a hospital thing, maybe just a London hospital thing. Anyway, I felt safe on Wednesday when I went in.
It's been a while since I've had to sit in the big cancer waiting room and it still astounds me how many people there are who are suffering from this terrible illness. It doesn't matter how many times we are told that one in three of us will get cancer, it takes actually going to that waiting room to really drive the reality home, and that's just one waiting room, in one hospital, on one day, in one town......
My Husband joined me. I was weighed and booked in and finally called by the Oncologist. The outcome is very positive. We looked back over all the blood test results since my chemo stopped. The Hospital have a lot more results than my GP and could get a much clearer picture. My White Blood Cells (WBC) have been consistently low. In fact, if anything they are (very, very slightly) higher than they were in October or January.
This, however strange it sounds, is fantastic news. It means there has been no sudden drop. It also means that I have been coping well considering and may even start to feel a bit better as and when they rise. The Oncologist will pass my results to a Haematologist and ask for advice. It is not usual for the blood count to still look this weak so long after chemo and she wants to know if there's anything I should be taking to boost them.
So, it doesn't look like it's a side effect of the Tamoxifen which is great as I'm prescribed another nine years of it and it is a wonderful drug in prevention of return of breast cancer. And most importantly, it is not an indication of cancer in my bones or blood.
I had a call from Guys yesterday, my blood test result from Wednesday is back and there is little change. This reinforces everything I was told.
So, looking forward. I have been booked in on the 2nd July for some major surgery. I am having a full mastectomy on the right. This is preventative. I asked to have both breasts removed when I was diagnosed but due to the aggressiveness of the cancer and the fact that it had already spread I was rushed into the first available surgery slot which was only four hours, not long enough for both breasts.
I will have full reconstruction on the right and a new reconstruction on the left. The implant on the left has been damaged by the radiotherapy and will be replaced. The operation will take about eight hours. I've been waiting for this for nearly two years. Keeping my right breast felt like a ticking time bomb. I had to wait a year for the internal scarring from the radiotherapy to be sufficiently healed before they could go ahead.
Now that the operation is so close I am scared. I know that it is a bigger operation than last time and having experienced that pain once and the prolonged recovery, I am once bitten twice shy. I am a less strong person these days. I can't imagine how I got through the process of diagnosis and treatment. I realise now how important it was to me to have my Dad there by my side through the whole experience.
I have also had a year of relative good health which has made the thought of amputating perfectly healthy tissue seem crazy. Plus it's my breast, my only remaining breast. However good the surgeons can make the reconstruction look, it's still just a lump of plastic stuck on your front.
But, first and foremost I am a Mother. I must do everything I can to protect myself from illness for my children's sake and if removing my right breast removes any risk at all, no matter how small, I will do it. So, the date is set. I am getting fit and strong in preparation. I am looking to the future with hope. I am keeping a healthy diet and keeping up my abstinence from booze (for the most part) and I am trying really hard to be, think, stay and feel positive!
Remind me next time to tell you about the fire we had in the kitchen!!!!
I have realised that I feel extremely at home at Guys. And safe. Unfortunately the same can't be said for the hospital in Pembury who tried to kill me and then later diagnosed Dad. So it's not a hospital thing, maybe just a London hospital thing. Anyway, I felt safe on Wednesday when I went in.
It's been a while since I've had to sit in the big cancer waiting room and it still astounds me how many people there are who are suffering from this terrible illness. It doesn't matter how many times we are told that one in three of us will get cancer, it takes actually going to that waiting room to really drive the reality home, and that's just one waiting room, in one hospital, on one day, in one town......
My Husband joined me. I was weighed and booked in and finally called by the Oncologist. The outcome is very positive. We looked back over all the blood test results since my chemo stopped. The Hospital have a lot more results than my GP and could get a much clearer picture. My White Blood Cells (WBC) have been consistently low. In fact, if anything they are (very, very slightly) higher than they were in October or January.
This, however strange it sounds, is fantastic news. It means there has been no sudden drop. It also means that I have been coping well considering and may even start to feel a bit better as and when they rise. The Oncologist will pass my results to a Haematologist and ask for advice. It is not usual for the blood count to still look this weak so long after chemo and she wants to know if there's anything I should be taking to boost them.
So, it doesn't look like it's a side effect of the Tamoxifen which is great as I'm prescribed another nine years of it and it is a wonderful drug in prevention of return of breast cancer. And most importantly, it is not an indication of cancer in my bones or blood.
I had a call from Guys yesterday, my blood test result from Wednesday is back and there is little change. This reinforces everything I was told.
So, looking forward. I have been booked in on the 2nd July for some major surgery. I am having a full mastectomy on the right. This is preventative. I asked to have both breasts removed when I was diagnosed but due to the aggressiveness of the cancer and the fact that it had already spread I was rushed into the first available surgery slot which was only four hours, not long enough for both breasts.
I will have full reconstruction on the right and a new reconstruction on the left. The implant on the left has been damaged by the radiotherapy and will be replaced. The operation will take about eight hours. I've been waiting for this for nearly two years. Keeping my right breast felt like a ticking time bomb. I had to wait a year for the internal scarring from the radiotherapy to be sufficiently healed before they could go ahead.
Now that the operation is so close I am scared. I know that it is a bigger operation than last time and having experienced that pain once and the prolonged recovery, I am once bitten twice shy. I am a less strong person these days. I can't imagine how I got through the process of diagnosis and treatment. I realise now how important it was to me to have my Dad there by my side through the whole experience.
I have also had a year of relative good health which has made the thought of amputating perfectly healthy tissue seem crazy. Plus it's my breast, my only remaining breast. However good the surgeons can make the reconstruction look, it's still just a lump of plastic stuck on your front.
But, first and foremost I am a Mother. I must do everything I can to protect myself from illness for my children's sake and if removing my right breast removes any risk at all, no matter how small, I will do it. So, the date is set. I am getting fit and strong in preparation. I am looking to the future with hope. I am keeping a healthy diet and keeping up my abstinence from booze (for the most part) and I am trying really hard to be, think, stay and feel positive!
Remind me next time to tell you about the fire we had in the kitchen!!!!
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