On Sunday 10th December I had a conversation with my dad on the phone. I hadn't spoken to him for a while, he had been working and is always terrible at keeping in touch when he's got a long job on. I knew he hadn't been well. My husband had seen him the weekend before and was worried about him. Thought he was completely exhausted. The phone conversation threw me into a flat spin. He not only sounded confused and slightly slurred but admitted to having problems spelling simple words and remembering things.
The next morning I dropped the kids at school and drove straight to Kent to see him. He was unable to work and struggling at home with simple tasks. I thought maybe he'd had a stroke. We spoke to his Doctor on the phone and made an appointment for the next day. I returned home. Tuesday morning I dropped the kids at school and drove back to Kent. We went to the Doctor and explained the problems he'd been having. She examined him thoroughly and gave him antibiotics for a chest infection. She made a request for an urgent referral to a Neurologist and suggested possible mini strokes, a nervous breakdown or potentially something putting pressure on part of his brain.
I drove back to London and was replaced by my Sister who raced up from Cornwall on the train. She has taken over my role as big Sister and has been truly amazing. My Brother was there too and on the Wednesday My Dad's lovely Girlfriend returned from London where she had been working for the beginning of the week (she normally spends Monday-Wednesday in town). They muddled through and although he was happy and relaxed having them all there taking care of him, the symptoms kept returning.
On Friday afternoon my Sister phoned to say he'd had some sort of fit. She thought it was a stroke so she called an ambulance. We dropped the girls with friends and drove back down. He had to endure a whole heap of tests including a chest xray which showed lesions on his right lung. A CT scan showing a mass and some fluid on his brain and a series of questions and tests to ascertain his levels of confusion and co-ordination. He was cheerful throughout and it sounded like there was a party coming from his cubicle in A&E.
He spent the weekend holding court in his own private room. A constant stream of visitors. He also had further scans and an MRI. He was given steroids which immediately returned his marbles. He looked rested and we all felt much more positive.
On Monday 16th I drove back down to Kent to take my Mum out for her Birthday lunch and pop in on Dad. On our way out we got a call from Dad, he was upset. We drove straight to the Hospital. He had been given his diagnosis. Mum didn't get her Birthday lunch.
My Dad has been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. He has a tumour in the bottom of his right lung. It has spread, via his lymphatic system to his brain where he has two tumours and to his adrenal gland which is on his right, just above his kidney.
I can't even begin to put into words, the emotional effect of this news on us all. I can't even start to try. I can only tell you the facts right now and hope that in doing so I can somehow lessen the constant sickness in my stomach.
So, we have been coping. Pulling together. On Tuesday 17th his Sister arrived from Canada, on her Birthday. Herself a cancer survivor. They let Dad go home and my Sister finally headed back to Cornwall to try and prepare for Christmas. My Brother stopped working to spend as much time as possible helping out. I drove backwards and forwards.
We are still in shock. Unfortunately it does nothing to mask the pain. We move forwards, we smile for the kids. I've cried a bit, not enough, still terrified to really let go. Not one of us can sleep properly. I have prayed, broken down in the street and laughed and loved with my family.
If this is a test, I'm not convinced we can pass it. It's becoming more and more difficult to stay buoyant, stay positive. The rational me is taking a battering.
Dad is doing well. He feels surrounded by Love. He has a wonderful woman. He feels he's had a great life. Today he had some really good news. He had a meeting with the Oncologists who have prescribed a course of Radiotherapy on his brain. They would like to try to shrink the tumours down sufficiently to stop the steroids. This will start urgently, as soon as they have a machine spare. We are hoping for a cancellation.
They are going to take a biopsy of his chest and when they have his brain cancer under control they are going to give him Chemotherapy to treat the rest. This will buy him time. How much time, no one can say. He is thrilled with this news. Happy that they think it's worth his while. When I'm with him, the pain goes away a bit. The rest of the time, it's almost too much to bear. It was so much easier when it was all about me. But it's not now and Cancer was one experience I didn't want to share.
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