The wind is howling outside. I'm in bed with all my clothes on. Because I've written so much of my blog in bed, it seems to be the only place I feel comfortable doing it. That and the fact that the house is cold and if I sit still for an hour I will freeze! Our bed is at the top of the house, in what used to be the attic. We had it converted when we were told we needed a whole new roof. In for a penny and all that. Unfortunately because I was so heavily pregnant at the time and didn't keep nearly as close an eye on the build as I should have done, you really do feel out in the elements. Today I can feel the house being buffeted and hear the wind outside. When it rains, it sounds like someone is dropping pebbles on the roof just above our heads. In the summer it gets so hot we have to sleep with all the windows open. Basically it's like living in a caravan on the top of our house. That's probably why I love it so much.
It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas. The girls have written their lists, I have tried my best to make sure they're not too disappointed. The house is getting festive (more so when I finally get round to buying a tree) and you can't leave the house without falling into a local Christmas gathering. I'm super chuffed to be in more of a position to enjoy it than last year, it's hard to go back and think about the lead up to that Christmas. The children have assured me that this will be the best Christmas ever.
On the weekend of 23rd November we drove to the Cotswolds. One of the twins lives there with his glamorous, brilliant, ever-busy wife and three kids. We walked and cooked and caught up and prepared for their first dinner party in the house with local friends they have met since moving there. It was a freezing cold night and the house was steaming hot with all the open fires blazing. The food was delicious and the company friendly and fun. I did fall slightly off the wagon but tried not to regret it too much in the morning as it had been such fun.
We took our hangovers, the next day, to the pub. Where all good hangovers should go. We managed to meet up with some dear friends who we haven't seen for ages and all go for a good Cotswolds stomp together.
This not-drinking thing gets very hard at this time of year. In fact it was pretty hard in the summer too - no long gin and tonics in Ibiza town.... no cold pints on hot days... But I find it harder around Christmas. All that lovely spicy warm booze laced with sugar. That's a big fat no on both counts. Red wine by the fire. No.Warm apple juice with Bison grass vodka. No. Single malt whiskey at the end of a meal. No (well actually yes, this is still a weakness I'm yet to control).
Aaarrrgghhhh! Flipping laptop keeps crashing! I'm now typing on the iPad. This will be the third lesson. I've been wondering what it would be. The third lesson in backing things up. These lessons always come in threes to make sure you have truly learned them. Firstly the blog, then I lost my phone in the Cotswolds whilst having a wee behind a stone wall on a walk and now my laptop. Great.
Where was I? Ah yes Drinking. Now, Ive never been a huge booze hound but I do like a tipple especially when combined with a dance or a giggle. I tend not to be able to drink to massive excess because I throw up or pass out before that happens but I like to drink in moderation. I've been informed that this has to stop.
During a meeting with a nutritionist I asked about drinking, previously I have been told that if I want to enjoy a glass of wine with dinner then that's fine. This lady told me that because my cancer was hormone reactive I cannot risk drinking at all. Alcohol effects your oestrogen levels and this could kick start growth in any remaining cancer cells. Alcohol also contains stupid amounts of sugar which cancer cells feed on. I asked the 'just one glass a week with food?' question and she said that if I absolutely had to I should have half a glass and really enjoy it and make it last all night!
Seeing as I'm not a huge fan of wine and I don't think she meant half a glass of vodka or whiskey I've been pretty dry for quite some time now. I have asked my Husband to stop offering me a drink when he has one and to stop pouring me a glass on the off chance. This has made it easier at home but it's still hard when we go out. If there is dancing involved I can be distracted but sit down dinners are definitely my Achilles heel. Not to mention 'Christmas drinkies'. Please don't stop inviting me though, I promise not to become a horrendous bore!
What it boils down to is giving my self the best possible shot at survival. I have five years to get through before we know whether the cancer has all gone. This five years is just about to start. I cannot risk the guilt of knowing I could have done more if the cancer comes back. So another clean Christmas for me.
Now, onto treatment. I had my Herceptin on Tuesday. I am thrilled to announce that I only have one dose left and unfortunately that will be on Christmas eve. I am very excited about having the port in my chest removed as it has become more uncomfortable as I lost weight. January will be a new beginning of sorts. Then I have the 1825 day countdown to the day that I will be officially in remission and cancer free.
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