Firstly back to the blog for a second. It was such an enormous shock to find it missing and I was truly devastated for about 24hours. I hadn't realised that I had written so much, that it was so important to me that the girls can read it at some point, and that I'm actually quite proud of my blog. Aside from raising two lovely little people, this might actually be my biggest achievement to date! The wonderful people at Leftbrain managed to recover a huge amount and we cobbled together the rest. I am still missing number 58 which is a real shame as it described the entire 5 week radiotherapy experience. If any of you have it, please send it to me.
The end of September carried on in the same busy fashion. Macmillan Coffee Morning at school, Massage at St Thomas's, DIY, Husband working late. On the weekend of 28th we went to Kent and collected our caravan for a last hurrah before we deserted it for the winter. Our friend was having his annual birthday party in the clearing where Husband and I got married. It's a lovely little spot with a lawn next to a lake nestled in a small woodland. I first went there in my teens and always wanted to get married there. Since then he has built two spectacular tree houses. My husband and I did have our wedding there in 2008 and our friend has now turned the place into a proper wedding venue. He has built loos and has a beautiful marquee erected for the summers. Sofas swing from the trees and the whole woodland is lit with fairy lights. You can see his website here. Most of the pictures are from my wedding.
Anyway, I'd better not get carried away and start writing about my wedding, I've got a lot to get through! The party was great. The band were terrific and I danced till about 2am when I crashed in my lovely comfy caravan. The next morning I refused to get out of bed and hosted a mega breakfast in bed with all the kids.
On the first of October I had my Herceptin and much to my eldest daughter's annoyance I couldn't make it on her school trip to the London Eye. On Wednesday 2nd I had a review with the Oncologists. They were pleased that I had tolerated the radiotherapy well and all the external scarring had healed. I wanted to talk about the ever important five year countdown, what did it mean? when did it start? what is remission?
I wasn't entirely happy with the answers. My five year countdown won't start until I have finished treatment so this last year of hell doesn't even count. My five years will start in January. I am not in remission. I will not be considered in remission until I have survived that five years cancer free. It was a reminder of my slightly precarious situation. The upside being that I actually have been feeling well enough to convince myself that I might have been in remission (cancer free).
That knocked me back for a few days, followed by a doctors appointment on the third and being told I was losing too much weight and my bmi was on the underweight side. This caused a confusion of mixed feelings. The girl in me rejoiced while the cancer patient worried. I have altered my diet to include a small amount of meat and dairy and generally relaxed my eating habits to include more protein. I can safely say now in the middle of November that it is no longer an issue!
The main realisation to come out of this review was that we aren't moving, we are staying put now for quite some time. We had moved back to London with heads brimming with embrionic plans for the next escape. The itchy feet not at all sated by our year in the countryside and feeling like we had a hole to fill. My meeting with the oncologist underlined the importance of my proximity to the hospital over the next five years. I will not be routinely scanned as each scan can actually raise my chances of the cancer returning. Instead they have what's called a 'Low threshold scan approach'. Basically if I have any complaints at all that could be cancer related, I am immediately scanned. ie, stomach problems, lingering cough, lumps and bumps in my chest wall, any skin changes...
I need to be close to the hospital. It needs to be a good one. I am being treated at the best and I live 15 minutes away. Why would I move? This was a life changing realisation for both of us and one we are both very happy with. I feel that we have settled and put down roots more in the last month than we did in the last 8 years. It's actually very nice to just stop planning. It's the first time I have ever done this and I like it (shame it took a Doctor telling me it could be life saving to stay put but hey ho).
So, with that in mind we have started to think about secondary schools for the girls and we are very lucky to be in an area with lots of good ones. Another bonus! Best of all is being back amongst our friends. There is a wonderful community built up around the school our children go to and I have my old friends who have moved here too. I'm feeling very happy about coming home. It really does feel like HOME, possibly the first real one I've ever had.
Dad got booked on a proper job taking him up to January so he couldn't afford to continue helping me with the DIY for the peanuts I was throwing. We had got a lot done while he was here but there was still so much to do. After he left it ground to a halt. I am having to be so careful with my arm that lifting heavy things is out, as is using power tools. There is only so much I can do between the school drop off and collect. The half finished house was starting to seriously stress me out so I stopped trying and just moved in. Boxes were finally emptied and most of the rooms were usable, if not finished.
I have been trying to visit the Haven once a week. They prescribed me a combination of Aromatherapy massage for stress and to help even out the muscles on my shoulders and arms, counselling and MLD which is medical lymphatic drainage. My arm hasn't swollen any more which is fantastic news. Apart from the prescribed one to ones I've been lucky enough to have, it's just a wonderful place to go. I even like the hour on the train and tube it takes to get there - I read or crochet and it reminds me of going to work. I try and have lunch there when I can as it's always vegan, healthy and delicious.
About a week before October half term my Husband announced that he had managed to take the week off work. I immediately logged onto his airmiles account and booked us a week in Ibiza. We stayed at the same 'cheap as chips' 1970's apartment I had been to with Mum and Sister in the spring. The sun was warm but not burning, the sea was warm, most of the restaurants were closed in the little resorts but open in the main towns. We hired a little pebble of a car and armed with our 'secret beaches of Ibiza' printed from the Internet, we set about exploring the lesser trodden parts of the island. It was an idyllic week.
The combination of the holiday and actually having unpacked most of our stuff helped reduce my stress levels no end. I have had two counselling sessions now too. This week I managed to only talk about my children and how I thought they were doing. I guess all talking helps.
On the 8th November we scooted down to Cornwall to see my Sister and adorable Nephew. I have missed them, especially him as I hadn't seen him since we were in Kent. We went out on Saturday night to the 50th birthday party of the twins eldest brother. It was a great evening with lots of dancing and laughing and seeing old friends. After a lovely roast at the farm shop on Sunday we rushed home.
My birthday was successfully dragged out for as long as possible. I had my herceptin on the actual day which was a pain but I went up to Selfridges where my husband was having a meeting and managed to squeeze a lunch with him in before he had to be there. On the Friday some of my lovely local mums came over for lunch. Then on Sunday I met some other friends and family for a walk and a roast at the Dulwich Woodhouse Pub. That pretty much brings us up to date. I thought I might struggle to write after so long but actually I've had to work really hard to stick to the important facts and not follow my instinctive rambles. Hopefully I won't leave it so long now as I much prefer writing instinctive rambles!
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