Fifty Three

Thursday, 18 April 2013

Fifty two was a bit 'woe is me'. It happens sometimes, I let those feelings in. Mostly I don't dare. Feeling depressed about a situation is my worst, it's never easy to pull yourself back so easier to just not got there. The sunshine helps and unfortunately we've been a bit short of that this 'spring'.

When my Husband safely returned from India we bundled into the old car and set off for Cornwall. Well we sat in the drive for half an hour first because the bonnet got stuck open again but once my clever Husband sorted that out we set off. This was the first long journey we have ever driven when we have shared the driving. My Husband has never had any interest in driving and only passed his test last summer. For one reason or another we haven't made it out of the county in the car since.

I drove as far as the Fleet services and then he took over. This is a revelation to me, being a passenger. I'm not actually very good at it as you can imagine and have to try very hard not to be a 'back seat driver'. My brake foot is always active and I have a horrible habit of sucking air sharply though my teeth and grabbing the roof handle. Once I had settled down and dared to take my eyes off the road I noticed that all the trees are still naked. We have driven to the West Country in the Easter holidays for as long as I can remember, either to visit my Sister or My Granny. It's normally lush and green, last year we even sat on the beach while the kids paddled in the sea and ran around in wetsuits.

This time the landscape was exactly as it looks at Christmas. It puts an eerie feeling in your tummy when you realise that nature is on hold.

I finally relaxed and finished my first crochet hat. Then I finished another one! Now crochet hats are my new hobby. Both my children have one, My Nephew has one, My God daughter and her brother have one and two of the new babies are also sporting one each. I need to buy a crochet book and move on, before I remember to do that I am going to attempt a tea cosy (which, considering my hats look exactly like tea cosies, shouldn't be too hard!)

We had a lovely couple of days in Cornwall. The beach was cold but still stunning. The children rode ponies and played with their dear friend who lives there. We ate pasties for lunch and my Sister's beautiful cooking for supper. On the Sunday we met up with a huge group of friends for a pub lunch which was both uplifting and poinient, all of us feeling the gap where our dear friend should have been who died a few years ago. My bald head, I'm sure, acting as a reminder to her wonderful Husband and beautiful kids of her incredibly brave fight.

On the Tuesday we said our goodbyes and got back in the (very well behaved) car. As we drove back across the country we muddled and plotted as we always do. Trying to come up with a viable plan enabling us to make our visits there more permanent. Bear in mind if you will that My Husband and I do this whenever we have had a lovely time anywhere. Most of our lives are spent coming up with plans and dreams. It's what keeps us happy.

Wednesday Morning we headed up to Guys for my operation but I've already told you about that.

Yesterday's appointments were very interesting. Firstly we saw My Oncologist, I've only actually ever seen her once before. I think she's the one who makes all the treatment decisions. She has a wonderfully calming nature and is clearly one of those very very clever people. We discussed the hormone treatment I will be taking. It is an oestrogen inhibitor with it's own list of side effects. None of which sounded too scary. Obviously one of them is putting on weight. Seems to be the only side effect that every bit of treatment has in common. I will be taking some sort of hormone tablet for the next ten years.

We talked about the Herceptin and how I was coping with that and she requested another heart scan. I have the herceptin every three weeks. It's a liquid in a drip that goes into the port on my chest. One of the main side effects is that it is damaging to the heart so they have to keep a close eye on it. if the heart muscle looks like it's thickening too much then I'll need a break from the drugs. I will be having these three weekly treatments until January.

Then I met my Radiotherapy doctor. I liked her. She was brusque but not rude and straight to the point. She examined my breast and armpit area and showed me how I would have to lie on the machine. Both my arms will need to go above my head which is still a very painful position. I have a 4inch vertical wound under my left arm which inhibits movement. She has given me a week to stretch it out.

In a week's time I will go for my planning appointment. This is where they will lie me on the machine and measure me. I will have dots tattooed on the centre of my chest and one on each side of me on my ribs. These will be used to line me up with the machine each time I go for Radio so they always treat the right place.

The normal bout of Radiotherapy for breast cancer is either three or five weeks. I have been prescribed five weeks. I will need to go to hospital every day Monday - Friday for my appointment. When I'm there it shouldn't take too long. The actual radiotherapy only takes a matter of minutes every time but there will be waiting around and it takes time to position me on the machine.

I have lots of leaflets and information to read about this next course of treatment. After my planning appointment I'll tell you all about it!

After seeing the Radiotherapy Doctor I headed up to the Cancer Day Unit (CDU) to settle into my chair for my Herceptin. Husband had to jump on a train home to do the school run and the various after school clubs and events he's signed them up to. Then by chance I caught the train home with a lovely friend.