Tuesday, 16 April 2013
I was just settling down to write my
blog and had a quick squiz at Facebook as a warm up. This has become
the way it's done. I was saddened to see that a friend of mine's Dad
has passed away. He was one of the more 'understanding' of all our
parents when we were gallivanting around London in our teens, falling
in and out of love and nightclubs. Sadly he is not the only parent of
a friend taken during this long cold winter. This week the sun has
finally made an appearance. Hopefully that's the end of that.
Last Wednesday I had surgery to remove the remaining lymph nodes from my left armpit. A complete Axillary clearance. They actually have to remove everything, all the fat, tissue and nerves. The nodes themselves are tiny and shrivelled from the chemo and very difficult to find so it all has to go. The surgeon has to be very careful not to leave any behind as they may contain cancer which, even after chemo, could regenerate.
I woke up in the now too familiar recovery room with a burning pain down the back of my arm. No amount of pain relief got rid of it (I made them try). I eventually realised that it was from nerve damage and that there wasn't actually anything there hurting, my brain just though there was. I made the most of everything on offer and surrounded myself in a cocoon of opiates. My surgeon popped his head in and confirmed my suspicion. He also said that he had squished any nodes he had seen and hadn't felt any lumps.
Slowly my arm went numb. I was pushed down to the Sarah ward and given my bed. There are now only two in the ward that I haven't occupied. Husband settled me and left. Nurses came and went. I got up and made it to the loo without being sick (a first for me post surgery). I swallowed pills and then slept.
Thursday morning I felt much better. Really surprisingly well. I ate breakfast and waited for the stream of medical visitors. First the Physio-terrorists, then a Nurse, Doctor, Pharmacist, then another Nurse. The doctor checked my drain, had a look at me and pronounced me ready to go home. The second Nurse came to remove my drain - fantastic news as I had readied myself and the kids for it's visit home with me.
The Nurse took the dressing off and prepared me for the painful mini procedure. I became slowly aware of the fact that I had absolutely no feeling whatsoever in my armpit, down to my bra, all the way across my breast (this has been numb since the Mastectomy) and over the back to my shoulder. She was telling me that she was amazed how fast my skin had healed and that she was going to have to cut it away to undo the stitch holding the drain in place. It took her about 15 minutes to free the drain and then she had me deep breathing as she pulled the tube out. I didn't feel any of it.
Husband arrived to collect me. I was so pleased to be home but became quite emotional on Friday about the lack of feeling. Its very normal apparently to be over emotional post surgery. It has something to do with being removed from the safety of the hospital and the warm fuzzy drug haze and thrown back into reality. I moped about feeling very sorry for myself until my sister arrived from Cornwall and made me feel much better by likening my horrible scarred body to a patchwork quilt.
Waiting for biopsy results rather sucks the fun out of everything. That said we have been doing our best. Husband celebrated his Birthday at the weekend and we had a lovely afternoon at our local pub. I have that familiar feeling of people coming and going, speaking and listening, eating and drinking but none of it really sinking in. I'm looking forward to Friday when I get the pathologists report and results.
Tomorrow is Herceptin day. I'll go up to Guys and have a consultation with the Oncologists in the morning, a quick catch up with my Nurse and possibly a stolen pow wow with my surgeon. Then it's back up to the Cancer Day Unit to settle into a big grey lazy boy and have more poison pumped into me. My armpit is still numb but with a low ache so perhaps some feeling is returning. Strangely it feels like someone is grating the back of my arm every time it touches my clothes. Painful, confusing - as there is no wound there, and very annoying.
Last Wednesday I had surgery to remove the remaining lymph nodes from my left armpit. A complete Axillary clearance. They actually have to remove everything, all the fat, tissue and nerves. The nodes themselves are tiny and shrivelled from the chemo and very difficult to find so it all has to go. The surgeon has to be very careful not to leave any behind as they may contain cancer which, even after chemo, could regenerate.
I woke up in the now too familiar recovery room with a burning pain down the back of my arm. No amount of pain relief got rid of it (I made them try). I eventually realised that it was from nerve damage and that there wasn't actually anything there hurting, my brain just though there was. I made the most of everything on offer and surrounded myself in a cocoon of opiates. My surgeon popped his head in and confirmed my suspicion. He also said that he had squished any nodes he had seen and hadn't felt any lumps.
Slowly my arm went numb. I was pushed down to the Sarah ward and given my bed. There are now only two in the ward that I haven't occupied. Husband settled me and left. Nurses came and went. I got up and made it to the loo without being sick (a first for me post surgery). I swallowed pills and then slept.
Thursday morning I felt much better. Really surprisingly well. I ate breakfast and waited for the stream of medical visitors. First the Physio-terrorists, then a Nurse, Doctor, Pharmacist, then another Nurse. The doctor checked my drain, had a look at me and pronounced me ready to go home. The second Nurse came to remove my drain - fantastic news as I had readied myself and the kids for it's visit home with me.
The Nurse took the dressing off and prepared me for the painful mini procedure. I became slowly aware of the fact that I had absolutely no feeling whatsoever in my armpit, down to my bra, all the way across my breast (this has been numb since the Mastectomy) and over the back to my shoulder. She was telling me that she was amazed how fast my skin had healed and that she was going to have to cut it away to undo the stitch holding the drain in place. It took her about 15 minutes to free the drain and then she had me deep breathing as she pulled the tube out. I didn't feel any of it.
Husband arrived to collect me. I was so pleased to be home but became quite emotional on Friday about the lack of feeling. Its very normal apparently to be over emotional post surgery. It has something to do with being removed from the safety of the hospital and the warm fuzzy drug haze and thrown back into reality. I moped about feeling very sorry for myself until my sister arrived from Cornwall and made me feel much better by likening my horrible scarred body to a patchwork quilt.
Waiting for biopsy results rather sucks the fun out of everything. That said we have been doing our best. Husband celebrated his Birthday at the weekend and we had a lovely afternoon at our local pub. I have that familiar feeling of people coming and going, speaking and listening, eating and drinking but none of it really sinking in. I'm looking forward to Friday when I get the pathologists report and results.
Tomorrow is Herceptin day. I'll go up to Guys and have a consultation with the Oncologists in the morning, a quick catch up with my Nurse and possibly a stolen pow wow with my surgeon. Then it's back up to the Cancer Day Unit to settle into a big grey lazy boy and have more poison pumped into me. My armpit is still numb but with a low ache so perhaps some feeling is returning. Strangely it feels like someone is grating the back of my arm every time it touches my clothes. Painful, confusing - as there is no wound there, and very annoying.
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