Sunday, 7 October 2012
I had a rubbish sleep last night.
Sometimes that's all it takes to twist the world a bit and turn my
mood. This morning I hate the countryside and miss London
desperately. I don't feel interested any more in the problems of
those close to me and I'm bored of worrying about other people. I
don't like the house - the rooms are too small. I don't like the kids
school - it's very bland and lacks the colour that their London
school has in abundance, not only in the colours of their
play-friend's skin but the whole school seems to burst with colour
from the murals in the playground to the displays in the halls. I
miss my wonderful school run friends and their beautiful smiles
greeting me every morning.
I have a lovely day planned so I'm sure these feelings will pass, or shelf, or be forgotten till next time. It's Husband's Brother's Birthday and a walk and pub lunch with is gorgeous family should do the trick.
I have been getting my fix of London. Two hospital visits last week and another two to come this week. It's costing us a fortune which gives me yet another reason to question the hastily made decision to move. I have to remind myself constantly of the pros.
Last Wednesday my Sister and I travelled up on the train to Guys. I didn't shout at her and I'm hoping that the change of chaperone has broken the cycle of pre-hospital freak-outs. We got stuck on the train for 25 minutes and arrived at the hospital late. The waiting time on the train was alleviated by an old friend who popped her head through our seats and lit us up like a ray of sunshine for the slow journey. When we got there my nurse said she had been trying to call but I had left my phone at the wedding. They don't want to sign off the chemo without the results of blood, bone and organ scans. These scans hadn't been so important the week before but I'm not going to argue as I actually agree. Selfishly this buys me more time feeling good, My boob doesn't hurt unless I'm trying to sleep and I feel like I'm in a healthy pocket between surgery and chemo. It wasn't a wasted journey, they weighed me and took my blood for the blood scan. Sister and I ate lunch in the atrium and listened to a sweet girl sing french songs.
On Thursday my sister and her little boy went home to Cornwall again. They are commuting. They will be back when I have my chemo. They leave the house feeling calmer and tidier but me feeling less complete. My sister and I are as close as two people can be and find each other endlessly amusing. It has been pointed out to us recently that we can make those close to us feel closed out of our hilarity but this is never intentional.
On Friday we had to get up early and get to hospital by 8.30am for my full CT scan. This will hopefully show any cancer in my organs. Dad came over and got the kids ready for school and Mum collected them on her way to work. I am bidding on ebay for double front seats for his van so he can cart both children around at once for me.Husband dropped me at the door of the station so he could park the car while I bought tickets (very grown up!) Unfortunately he missed the train. I saw him running through and onto the platform and was a bit upset but managed not to cry. I don't have my phone so couldn't call to see if he was going to follow or wait.
I got to hospital and was given a litre of liquid to drink - although I was aware it contained chemicals which were to prepare me for a radiation injection it was still welcome on a completely empty stomach. I've never been a good faster. While I was waiting for it to seep through my cells I read a magazine alerting me to Breast Cancer Awareness month. Seems funny now but I had totally missed this. Sister and I had been wondering around Tunbridge Wells discussing the fact that everyone was wearing pink and there seemed to be a lot of talk about Breast cancer - we decided it must be like when you get pregnant and suddenly everyone else is pregnant!
In walked Husband just in time to give me a hug and a kiss before I was whisked off for a strip down, cannula insertion, uncomfortable scan. I had to lay still on a bed while a huge donut shaped machine whirred up and down my body. When it went over me I had to hold my breath so as not to move. I had been warned that when they inject the radiation it might feel warm and I may get a sensation of wetting myself. It actually felt like my veins were on fire and my genitals were burning (not in a nice way). Mercifully it was over quickly and we had the rest of the day to mosey about London, meeting a friend and his bike for lunch, before heading home to collect the kids from school.
I have a bone scan on Monday and all the results on Wednesday.
This has been a bitty entry, I have been periodically refreshing my Glastonbury tickets site. Thanks to a wonderfully inventive tip-off from a friend, Husband and I now have tickets secured. I might even have some hair by then!
I have a lovely day planned so I'm sure these feelings will pass, or shelf, or be forgotten till next time. It's Husband's Brother's Birthday and a walk and pub lunch with is gorgeous family should do the trick.
I have been getting my fix of London. Two hospital visits last week and another two to come this week. It's costing us a fortune which gives me yet another reason to question the hastily made decision to move. I have to remind myself constantly of the pros.
Last Wednesday my Sister and I travelled up on the train to Guys. I didn't shout at her and I'm hoping that the change of chaperone has broken the cycle of pre-hospital freak-outs. We got stuck on the train for 25 minutes and arrived at the hospital late. The waiting time on the train was alleviated by an old friend who popped her head through our seats and lit us up like a ray of sunshine for the slow journey. When we got there my nurse said she had been trying to call but I had left my phone at the wedding. They don't want to sign off the chemo without the results of blood, bone and organ scans. These scans hadn't been so important the week before but I'm not going to argue as I actually agree. Selfishly this buys me more time feeling good, My boob doesn't hurt unless I'm trying to sleep and I feel like I'm in a healthy pocket between surgery and chemo. It wasn't a wasted journey, they weighed me and took my blood for the blood scan. Sister and I ate lunch in the atrium and listened to a sweet girl sing french songs.
On Thursday my sister and her little boy went home to Cornwall again. They are commuting. They will be back when I have my chemo. They leave the house feeling calmer and tidier but me feeling less complete. My sister and I are as close as two people can be and find each other endlessly amusing. It has been pointed out to us recently that we can make those close to us feel closed out of our hilarity but this is never intentional.
On Friday we had to get up early and get to hospital by 8.30am for my full CT scan. This will hopefully show any cancer in my organs. Dad came over and got the kids ready for school and Mum collected them on her way to work. I am bidding on ebay for double front seats for his van so he can cart both children around at once for me.Husband dropped me at the door of the station so he could park the car while I bought tickets (very grown up!) Unfortunately he missed the train. I saw him running through and onto the platform and was a bit upset but managed not to cry. I don't have my phone so couldn't call to see if he was going to follow or wait.
I got to hospital and was given a litre of liquid to drink - although I was aware it contained chemicals which were to prepare me for a radiation injection it was still welcome on a completely empty stomach. I've never been a good faster. While I was waiting for it to seep through my cells I read a magazine alerting me to Breast Cancer Awareness month. Seems funny now but I had totally missed this. Sister and I had been wondering around Tunbridge Wells discussing the fact that everyone was wearing pink and there seemed to be a lot of talk about Breast cancer - we decided it must be like when you get pregnant and suddenly everyone else is pregnant!
In walked Husband just in time to give me a hug and a kiss before I was whisked off for a strip down, cannula insertion, uncomfortable scan. I had to lay still on a bed while a huge donut shaped machine whirred up and down my body. When it went over me I had to hold my breath so as not to move. I had been warned that when they inject the radiation it might feel warm and I may get a sensation of wetting myself. It actually felt like my veins were on fire and my genitals were burning (not in a nice way). Mercifully it was over quickly and we had the rest of the day to mosey about London, meeting a friend and his bike for lunch, before heading home to collect the kids from school.
I have a bone scan on Monday and all the results on Wednesday.
This has been a bitty entry, I have been periodically refreshing my Glastonbury tickets site. Thanks to a wonderfully inventive tip-off from a friend, Husband and I now have tickets secured. I might even have some hair by then!
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