Wednesday, 28 November 2012
Obviously still flying high from
Sunday.
Woke up this morning, bid Husband a fond farewell (he had meetings in Nottingham will be back at 2.30am), got the girls ready and to school. Remembered the presents for present day. Drove home, greeted the Tescos man and put away all the shopping. Opened the post - a bright red turban from an old school friend! Brilliant! Took all the cushion covers off and washed them. Drove to Tunbridge Wells, collected Father and dog. Drove them to Friend's farm to be reunited with their van. Went to Paddock Wood to tax car and post more Thank you cards (that's a full time job in itself! - I'm slowly getting though them!) Realised I'd got the wrong sort of insurance document. Bumped into Mother outside Costa. Drove home, waited for Mother and then did 1 hour of pilates. Drove with Mother to Tonbridge, had lunch. Went to Salisbury's for the bits I'd forgotten to order from Tescos (liver for my red blood cells - YUK). Went to School to collect Daughter 2, went home. Did washing. Put away new shopping. Drove back to school to collect Daughter 1 from eco club, drove home. Cooked lovely salmon supper. Hung washing. Bathed Kids, cleaned bathrooms. Dusted and hoovered upstairs, put kids to bed. Cleaned downstairs, put clean covers back on all the cushions. Hung another load of washing. Made bed. Had shower, shaved head (the patchy regrowth is awful) and...relax.
I love these days in the second week where I feel normal. Tired and bald, but normal. I realised today that I've been unusually tired for about two years. Having to sit down half way through the hoovering. Not having any stamina when it came to late nights. Feeling completely worn down by the kids. Feeling rubbish at work but not being able to put my finger on why. I guess I have an answer to all that now. I'm really looking forward to life without cancer and without all the treatment and without pain from surgery. It's a while away but not so far that I can't see and taste it.
We've stared to make tentative plans, Husband and I, for the future. It feels good.
I'm going to tell you about someone I thought a lot about today but who I haven't really written about. I haven't really written about him because I haven't asked him if it's OK to or not. But here goes anyway.
One day when I was 14 and at home when I was meant to be at school. Mum came in to my room to have a little chat. She told me she was pregnant. She hadn't planned to be, my little sister was 12 and I think Mum and Dad had all but put that small-child-rearing part of their lives behind them. Mum was nearly 40 which was pretty old back then to be embarking on parenthood for the second time round but she knew this baby was a keeper. I reassured her that she was doing the right thing and told her it would be all of our baby - she wouldn't have to do it alone.
When he was born, almost during a dinner party, My sister and I (13 and 15) were completely dumbfounded by the strength of love we felt for him. We hadn't expected to feel so strongly. I had thought a lot about what it would be like for there to be another one. My sister and I had already grown up together, we had travelled the world, lived in a bus, a caravan and then come back to the UK and settled. How would this new one fit into that?
But fit in he did. We became like two extra little Mummies. Both of us just old enough for our maternal instincts to kick in. We would bath him and change him and feed him (when he was big enough to be off Mum's boob). I was given freebies by ladies in department stores and told what a wonderful job I was doing with my little one. My 18 year old boyfriend at the time and I would take him with us on dates to the zoo, the beach, the pub. This baby changed all of our lives. He knocked us for six.
My sister and I moved out while he was still very little. We embarked on our own lives. Mum and Dad did it all over again. He grew and we spoilt him at Birthdays and Christmas. When I went travelling for two years in my early twenties I missed an enormous part of my Brother's childhood. I missed him and my Sister dreadfully and used to send them boxes of scrapbooks and presents.
As a teenager he didn't think we were cool any more. My Sister and I probably annoyed him - imagine having four parents! But now he's nearly 22. He towers above me and has a job and a beautiful Girlfriend. I've moved back near where he lives. I get to see him a bit more. We talk on the phone. We're really becoming friends. The age gap between the three of us siblings is finally beginning to close and I love it. I've been waiting so long for this to happen. I'm excited about this new stage in our relationship because I love him dearly.
Just saying.
Woke up this morning, bid Husband a fond farewell (he had meetings in Nottingham will be back at 2.30am), got the girls ready and to school. Remembered the presents for present day. Drove home, greeted the Tescos man and put away all the shopping. Opened the post - a bright red turban from an old school friend! Brilliant! Took all the cushion covers off and washed them. Drove to Tunbridge Wells, collected Father and dog. Drove them to Friend's farm to be reunited with their van. Went to Paddock Wood to tax car and post more Thank you cards (that's a full time job in itself! - I'm slowly getting though them!) Realised I'd got the wrong sort of insurance document. Bumped into Mother outside Costa. Drove home, waited for Mother and then did 1 hour of pilates. Drove with Mother to Tonbridge, had lunch. Went to Salisbury's for the bits I'd forgotten to order from Tescos (liver for my red blood cells - YUK). Went to School to collect Daughter 2, went home. Did washing. Put away new shopping. Drove back to school to collect Daughter 1 from eco club, drove home. Cooked lovely salmon supper. Hung washing. Bathed Kids, cleaned bathrooms. Dusted and hoovered upstairs, put kids to bed. Cleaned downstairs, put clean covers back on all the cushions. Hung another load of washing. Made bed. Had shower, shaved head (the patchy regrowth is awful) and...relax.
I love these days in the second week where I feel normal. Tired and bald, but normal. I realised today that I've been unusually tired for about two years. Having to sit down half way through the hoovering. Not having any stamina when it came to late nights. Feeling completely worn down by the kids. Feeling rubbish at work but not being able to put my finger on why. I guess I have an answer to all that now. I'm really looking forward to life without cancer and without all the treatment and without pain from surgery. It's a while away but not so far that I can't see and taste it.
We've stared to make tentative plans, Husband and I, for the future. It feels good.
I'm going to tell you about someone I thought a lot about today but who I haven't really written about. I haven't really written about him because I haven't asked him if it's OK to or not. But here goes anyway.
One day when I was 14 and at home when I was meant to be at school. Mum came in to my room to have a little chat. She told me she was pregnant. She hadn't planned to be, my little sister was 12 and I think Mum and Dad had all but put that small-child-rearing part of their lives behind them. Mum was nearly 40 which was pretty old back then to be embarking on parenthood for the second time round but she knew this baby was a keeper. I reassured her that she was doing the right thing and told her it would be all of our baby - she wouldn't have to do it alone.
When he was born, almost during a dinner party, My sister and I (13 and 15) were completely dumbfounded by the strength of love we felt for him. We hadn't expected to feel so strongly. I had thought a lot about what it would be like for there to be another one. My sister and I had already grown up together, we had travelled the world, lived in a bus, a caravan and then come back to the UK and settled. How would this new one fit into that?
But fit in he did. We became like two extra little Mummies. Both of us just old enough for our maternal instincts to kick in. We would bath him and change him and feed him (when he was big enough to be off Mum's boob). I was given freebies by ladies in department stores and told what a wonderful job I was doing with my little one. My 18 year old boyfriend at the time and I would take him with us on dates to the zoo, the beach, the pub. This baby changed all of our lives. He knocked us for six.
My sister and I moved out while he was still very little. We embarked on our own lives. Mum and Dad did it all over again. He grew and we spoilt him at Birthdays and Christmas. When I went travelling for two years in my early twenties I missed an enormous part of my Brother's childhood. I missed him and my Sister dreadfully and used to send them boxes of scrapbooks and presents.
As a teenager he didn't think we were cool any more. My Sister and I probably annoyed him - imagine having four parents! But now he's nearly 22. He towers above me and has a job and a beautiful Girlfriend. I've moved back near where he lives. I get to see him a bit more. We talk on the phone. We're really becoming friends. The age gap between the three of us siblings is finally beginning to close and I love it. I've been waiting so long for this to happen. I'm excited about this new stage in our relationship because I love him dearly.
Just saying.
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